The Many Adventures Of Da Homies

 

AKA: If The Beatles Were Gangsta

 

The B-Pimps:

O-Ring, Richard Starkey

G-Dogg, George Harrison

Macca, Paul McCartney

J-Boy, John Lennon

 

[Apples Studio in Liverpool, England.

J-Boy and Macca are writing a song. G-Dogg walks in sporting his new afro.]

G-Dogg: Yo! What up?

Macca: Dat a cool fro. You ain't been in my hairstylez stuff again, yo, G-dogg?

G-Dogg: I ain't been in yo hair stash, yo!

J-Boy: Yo, you seen O-Ring round?

G-Dogg: He's hittin up chicks, yo, fo sho.

[O-Ring walks in.]

O-Ring: Yo my homies!

G-Dogg: Yo how ya chllin my man?

O-Ring: Fab, fo sho!

Macca: You ain't gonna be sayin that, yo!

O-Ring [confused]: Um..I can't?

J-Boy: We gangsta peeps don't say that, yo. We ain't doin that, yo.

G-Dogg: Word.

[Brian Epstein, the Beatles manager, walks in. He's dressed in a very ungangsta way.]

Macca: Yo what pimpin?

[Brian stares at him.]

Brian: How much LSD today, boys?

J-Boy: That ain't where it at, yo! My homie!

Brian: Excuse me. What?

J-Boy: Homie-B, yo! Stop wit yo ungangsta talkin, Brishizzle. You crimpin our stylez.

G-Dogg: Word.

[Brian stares at them.]

Brian: How much LSD?

Macca: A lot.

G-Dogg: Word.

[Brian calmly walks out.]

 

THE END FO SHO...or is it?

 

 

 

 

You Needin Lessons Yo So We Don't Get Our Stylez Crimped!

 

AKA: O-Ring's Gangsta Lessons

 

Introduction: As you saw last time, some Beatle homies just aren't getting the Ghetto. There's no hope for Brian, but Macca and J-Boy decided O-Ring's still got some potential for pimpin. With the help of G-Dog, they attempt to awaken O-Ring's inner gangsta.

 

[At Apple Studio, Liverpool, England.

The B-Pimps are chilling.]

Macca: Yo, homies. We gonna be makin O-Ring pimpin, ain't we?

J-Boy: For sho! O-Ring, yo!

O-Ring: Um, yo.

Macca: No yo ain't doin it right. You gotta be proud n loud wit yo yo's

O-Ring: Yo!

J-Boy: Fo shizzle.

Macca: What up Homie-R?

O-Ring: It's all gear, yo!

J-Boy: Oh no it aint!

G-Dogg: Word.

Macca: You can't say dat, dat gear, yo!

O-Ring: I...I can't?

J-Boy: No you isn't!

O-Ring: What can I say, ah, yo? Fab?

Macca: No you can say pimpin.

O-Ring: Pimpin?

G-Dogg: Word!

O-Ring: What, uh, what that mean, yo?

[The other B-Pimps laugh.]

Macca: Dat was a funny joke, yo!

G-Dogg: Word!

J-Boy: Bustin.

O-Ring [confused]: Um, thanks.

Macca: You think he pimpin yet, yo?

J-Boy: Fo sho!

O-Ring: Uh, word? That's pimpin!

John: What are you on about, Ringo?

Paul: What's "pimpin?"

Ringo: Oh, thank God. That is the worst trip you've ever been on...at least on my part!

Paul: I don't remember anything.

John: I'm sure it was gear, for us, least. I mean, I don't feel too bad.

G-Dogg: Word!

 

THE END FO NOW

 

 

 

 

 

G-Dogg So Pimpin Yo

 

 

Introduction: It seems like the B-Pimps are gone now, except for G-Dogg. Three very confused Beatles are now on a mission to restore G-Dogg back to George- and before the concert that night.

Disclaimer: The terrible rapping in this story is copyright Mims or something...

 

 

[John, Paul, and Ringo, dressed in their typical Beatle suits, are walking through a hotel looking for Brian. They are dragging along the still pimpin G-Dogg.]

Paul: Thank god you weren't tripping too, Rings. Who knows what we would've done.

John: Yeah...but why didn't you?

Paul: Yeah, why not? I thought you said you were going to.

Ringo: You guys started making up your own kind of music, you called it rap. It was terrible. I'm not really as good a musician as you two and I was afraid of how I'd sound. And George touched my bum and I was afraid of what he'd try to do if I let me guard down.

Paul: He did?

G-Dogg: Word.

John: Well, can't really blame Geo, can we? Ringo's got a cute bum.

G-Dogg: Word.

[Paul and Ringo stare at John.]

John: Come on, Paulie. Just look. It's obvious.

Paul: ...you're joking.

John [laughing]: Of course!

Ringo: John, if you've got to joke around all creepy like, why couldn't you do it about Macca?

John: But Paulie's bum really is cute.

Paul: Can we please stop talking about bums?!?

[Brian Epstein walks out of a nearby room and the Beatles, plus G-Dogg, stop.]

Brian: Boys, why are you talking about bums? And are you alright now?

Paul: Mostly. Geo won't snap out of it, though.

Ringo: I was alright all along, ya know.

Brian: Well, you've got to do something about it. There's a concert tonight, and who knows if he'll be able to play guitar in this state.

Ringo: I doubt it. Paul and John were making "music" earlier and it sounded terrible.

Brian: Really?

Ringo: Yeah. Like... [starts rapping]

I’m hot coz I’m fly

You ain’t coz you’re not

This is why

This is why I’m hot

Paul [looking terrified]: Did I really sound like that?

Ringo: Yes.

Paul: If I ever do that again for heaven's sake shoot me.

G-Dogg: I dink dat muzik pimpin yo!

Brian: So...how do you think we undo this?

John: Just knock him out. Maybe when he wakes up he'll be alright.

G-Dogg: I'll bust yo ass yo.

Paul: I'm thinking he doesn't take too kindly to that suggestion.

G-Dogg: Word.

Brian: I swear, if you boys have to miss the concert I'll personally make sure you never get any LSD ever again.

[The Beatles look like they're going to cry.]

Paul: But...

Ringo: You wouldn't!

John: Bri, come on. You'd miss out LSD parties and you know it, love.

Brian: I think I'd manage, John. I've friends besides you boys, you know. And it's what you deserve for being irresponsible.

John: George Harrison I swear I will beat you within an inch of your life if you don't get back to normal before that effing concert.

G-Dogg: Word.

Ringo: There's no reason to be violent.

John: No LSD?

Ringo:...I wonder if knocking him out would work.

G-Dogg: Bust yo ass.

Paul: Hey, let's make a deal with him. Georgie, if you come back to normal you can touch RIngo's bum whenever you feel like it.

Ringo: Hey! You can't just go sacrificing my bum like that!

John: For the good of the LSD, Rings.

Paul: So what do you say, Geo?

G-Dogg: Dat no cool.

Paul [surprised]: Really? Why not?

G-Dogg: I do dat anyway yo!

Ringo [sounding annoyed]: I know.

[G-Dogg grabs Ringo's bum.]

Ringo: I hate my life.

John: I wonder if Pattie would know what to do.

Paul: Nope. If we don't, she don't.

G-Dogg: Word.

Brian: LSD, boys. LSD.

[John slaps G-Dogg across the face. G-Dogg does some sort of pimpin move and knocks John onto the floor.]

Ringo: How did you do that?

Paul: How does anybody that skinny possess that much strength?

[John gets up, swearing loudly.]

John: Goddammit George Harrison I will kill you!

[He tries to punch G-Dogg but Ringo and Paul hold him back, afraid of what G-Dogg will do.]

Brian: What are we going to do?

[They all stand around and think except for G-Dogg who finds a mirror and works on improving his afro.]

Paul: This is hopeless.

[Suddenly Ringo gets that OMG-I-figured-it-out expression.]

John: Well, what did you figure out?

Ringo: Get your guitar, son. We'll play our music to get him to normal.

Paul: Brilliant!

[Paul and John get their guitars and Ringo makes do using Brian's arm as a drum kit. They play a song.]

George: I...where am I?

Paul: In the hotel hallway recovering from a very strange LSD trip.

George: Oh alright. [looks in mirror and makes whimpering noise] Oh my god what did I do to my hair?

Paul: It can be fixed. I'll help.

Brian: Okay, is everybody alright now.

George: Besides the hair, yes.

John: I am, at least.

Paul: Gear.

O-Ring: Word.

[Everybody looks at Ringo with a frightened expression.]

Ringo [laughing]: I was only joking!

Everbody else: Ringo!

 

THE END YO